Why is Change so Challenging?

Over 80% of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within a week. If change were easy, we’d all be wealthy, fit, and happy. It’s frustrating when you know what you want to do, but you can’t get yourself to do it consistently. If the new behavior would obviously be of benefit, why isn’t that change easy to make?

Change is challenging for several reasons:

1. Habits are strong and pervasive. The average person has far more habits than they realize. Each morning, you wake up and follow the same routine. You take the same path to work. You think the same thoughts as you did the day before. Much of your day and night is a repeat of the last 500.

· When you feel bored, you soothe yourself in the same 2-3 ways each time. You only eat a few foods regularly. You talk to the same people. 

· Habits avoid thinking. They’re done automatically. Anything that minimizes thinking seems to be your brain’s preference. The fewer decisions, the better. 

· To change, you must be certain that change is in your best interest. Otherwise, your habits will always win.

2. Change is hard because it’s uncomfortable. You already know how to lose 10 kgs or how to find a better job. But the thought of taking the actions necessary to accomplish those goals creates discomfort. 

3. What you’re doing is already working, sort of. Your brain is preoccupied with your survival. Our brains are programmed to resist change, because what you’re doing is allowing you to live. Any change could potentially lead to death. You might be unhappy today, but you’re still alive!

· Most of us prefer misery than facing uncertainty.

4. You’ve tried to change in the past and failed. You’re no dummy. If you’ve tried to change several times and failed, part of you says, “Obviously, I can’t change. What’s the use in trying?”

It isn’t easy to change, but change is possible. The primary issue keeping you from following through on your plan to change is attempting to change too much, too soon. Smaller changes are easier to accomplish and to maintain.

How You Can Change?

Change is possible with an effective approach:

1. Be prepared to change. Expect that change will be challenging. Your odds of success improve if you’re prepared. Have a plan. 

2. Start small. To minimize the discomfort that change creates, only change a little each week. Meditating for two minutes each day is easier than starting with 60 minutes. The key is to get in the habit of doing the new behavior each day. 

3. Have patience. It can take months to make a change permanent. It’s often quoted that a new habit requires 30 days to instill. That’s not true. Studies show that it can take anywhere from a few weeks to several months, depending on the habit and the person. 

4. Be willing to change yourself and face the consequences. Changing yourself is scary, because you don’t know what the results will be. Accept that your life will change in some way. Discomfort isn’t always a bad thing. 

5. Expect to relapse. Falling off the wagon is to be expected. Attempt to enhance your approach and keep going. Aim for 90% compliance. That’s all you need. Perfection is an illusion that will only serve to destroy your confidence.

Change requires patience with yourself. Understand why it’s so challenging to change and choose to make changes slowly and incrementally. Imagine how much you could change over a few years if you changed just a tiny amount each week. 

The results would be staggering! How much have you changed over the last few years? Give slow change a chance.

When Life Gets Rough !!

Each of us have dealt with several hardships, each of them have knocked us down for  while, but then we got stronger and moved stronger with greater love, respect and understanding towards self and life.

The secret to get through the hard times easily is with our Mindset :

These hard times are making you Stronger and Smarter. – It’s the scary, stressful choices that end up being the most worthwhile. Without pain, there would be no change. But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.

You are not a helpless victim. – You are the creator of your own experience. Yes, it is unfortunate that sometimes bad things happen to the best of people. Life can be unfair, unkind and unjust. However, being stuck in a victim mentality does not nurture your ability to move onward and upward. You’ve got to stand back up and take positive steps to heal and grow.

If you don’t get something you want, it just means something better is waiting. – This is hard to believe sometimes, I know. But it’s true. Oftentimes, when you look back at your life you will be able to see why it was actually good that something didn’t work out. Maybe the job you didn’t get would have made you spend more time away from your family, but the job you did get was more flexible. Just have faith that everything happens for a reason. 

Things can and will change. – “And this too shall pass” is one of my favorite sayings. When we are stuck in a bad situation, it may seem there is no way out. We think nothing will ever change. But guess what? It will! Nothing is permanent. So get out of the habit of thinking that things will always be this way. They won’t. But, remember, you do need to take some sort of action for things to change. It won’t magically happen all on its own.

If you want things to change now, you need to start by Changing Yourself. – Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Do you know people whose lives are unnecessarily chaotic and stressful? And isn’t their situation largely because they feel chaotic inside? Yes, it is.We like to think that changing our external circumstances will change us. But we have it backwards – we need to change ourselves first before our circumstances will begin to change.

Anything is possible going forward. – Miracles happen every day. Really, they do! I wish I had enough space to write about all the miraculous things that have happened to people I know – from healing stage 4 pancreatic cancer to having their soul mate appear out of nowhere in the most unlikely place. Trust me: it happens all the time. You just need to believe it does. Once you do, you’re halfway there.

And of course, if you're struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and get our lives back on track. 

Life Secrets We were Not Taught in School

High school is good preparation for college. And college can be a good preparation for finding a job. Yet neither is very good at preparing you for general success in life. 

The most important ideas and skills for successful living aren’t taught in school. Unless you have an appropriate mentor, this critical part of your education is your responsibility.

Consider these secrets to living a successful and enjoyable life:

1. Persistence is the ultimate power. The ability to persevere can overcome almost any obstacle. The Key of persistence will open up any door that has closed due by resistance.
2. You can’t control other people. With practice, you can learn to control yourself. When you appreciate how challenging it is to control yourself, you’ll realize how futile it is to attempt to control others. Invite people into your life that you don’t feel the need to change, and everything will go more smoothly.
3. The best investment is the investment you make in yourself. Spend money to enhance your skills and abilities. 
4. Failing is an essential part of success. Those that ultimately succeed are those that failed the most. Fail quickly, learn, adjust your process, and have another go at it.
5. It’s important to forgive easily. When you forgive others, you set yourself free. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean you give the other person a second chance. It means that you’re choosing not to suffer any longer.
6. Most of the things you worry about will never happen. We’re all experts at creating imaginary challenges. We worry and expect the worst. Take a few moments and think about the biggest worries you’ve had. Most of them never happened. There’s plenty of time to get upset after something negative actually happens. Avoid feeling bad before it’s justified.
7. You only need a couple of good friends. Good friends are hard to find. Those people that you believe have 20 close friends do not. Focus on making quality relationships. You don’t have enough time to take care of more than a couple of close friends anyway.
8. Find a partner that fits into your life, rather than trying to build a life around your partner. 
9. Build a life you love and then find someone that fits into your lifestyle. There are more people you could happily spend a lifetime with than you think.
10. Find your purpose. Imagine having everything you want in life, but spending 8+ hours each day at a job you despise. You’ll spend a lot of time at work. Ensure that you find something you enjoy.
11. Stay in shape. Even the 3-sport high school athlete can eventually reach 300 pounds. It’s much easier to stay in shape than to get in shape. Develop an exercise routine and diet plan you can follow for a lifetime.

It’s possible to do well in school and still struggle with life. However, life is easier than you think once you understand these secrets we were never taught in school.

My Son, My Miracle - My Strength !

There was a strong urge to share how Brave he has been in his Journey of Life ......

It was wee hours of the morning of 26th Nov 2009, when I was rushed to the hospital as my water broke but the toughest part to handle was the pre term delivery -- not by one or two weeks but I was early by more then two months!

Most of the mothers get to see their new born and cuddle them up in flesh as soon as they are born, but my babies were taken to Neo Natal care. Each day I used to ask my family when can I go and see my babies. 

It was on the third day when I was taken to meet my babies.When i entered the Neo Natal ward, I saw my cutie-pies on ventilator support, I had tears in my eyes and my heart stopped to beat - it was a sinking feeling!!!

The doctors told us that the babies are critical as they are preterm and each day is a going to be tough till they are off the Ventilator. If anyone knows about early babies or premature babies, will understand what I am talking about!

I was allowed to visit them twice in the day for few minutes. A beautiful bond slowly started to develop between me and my kids, the moment I used to enter the NICU their heartbeats used to go fast like they have sensed that their mother has come and it was such a Great feeling to see them breathing...

I used to ask the doctor when can i take my kids in my arms and hug my kids. There was a fear... the fear of losing ....

And then my fear came true - health of one of the twin started to deteriorate all of a sudden and we lost him to destiny.

I was devastated and I turned silent......silent as silence could be ...And I told life I am accepting the suffering ...But my only Hope down the road was this sweet little boy "Aryan".

Each day I used to hold his tiny fingers and tell him how important He is in my Life. In those few minutes i only used to pray and tell him how brave he is. He was just few weeks old but i feel he understood every word spoken to him.

He fought and came out strong and gained strength week after week. Then came the day when the doctor told me you can cuddle and feed him. I had the longest Smile on my face but still there was no news on when can he go home.

The first three months of Aryans Life were in NICU but with his little feet he made Big Strides every Single Day.

We got him home with immense happiness and it seemed that my World is Beautiful again but yet another Reality was waiting to hit me - my marriage was drifting apart and there was no way that i could let this kid suffer.

This new born who had gone through so much already needed "Love and Care" more then anything else in this world.

I could not keep him in the house where fear, anxiety, depression, fights, trauma, doubt, unhappiness, blames were living!!

He was bought in this World to Live a Beautiful Life and that's what he deserved then and now. This little one is the most co-operative, understanding kid, who is happy in everything and has never troubled me during my rough days.

He adapted in each and every situation with ease. Even though I got irritated with my life and found reasons to escape from life - His caring hugs and " I Love You Shilpa " always helped me to give a direction to my life.

It was just like any other day in 2013, when Aryan fell ill and when he was taken to the hospital, he was hospitalised immediately and we were told that He would have to be operated the very next day. It was the most traumatic experience for him & for me. I had to gather myself each day to stand in front of him and to give him the strength, energy and love that he needed to come out of this trauma.

Life has many ways of testing and sure it was testing Our "Strength, Endurance & Courage".

We both became stronger because we had to be. We became happier because of the sadness we've known.

Your child is what will keep you holding on, when everything else is falling apart. 

He made me Believe that we can do the Impossible because we have been through Unimaginable.

Cheers to Aryan who will always be the Miracle who Completes my Life. Wishing Him a Great Life Always.

Set Yourself Free - Be Authentic!

Authenticity is underrated. It’s more than being honest with the world. It’s about being honest with yourself. There are many advantages to being authentic. Most importantly, you’ll no longer feel the need to change your words and actions to impress others. You can relax and be yourself.

Before you can be authentic, it’s important to know yourself. This includes your values and goals. Authenticity becomes possible when you know what’s important to you.

Embrace authenticity and present yourself honestly:

1. Give up the need to appear perfect. Excellent is good enough. But seriously, when you don’t need to appear perfect, you’re in the position to be honest. No one can be perfect and honest at the same time. Avoid putting on a show for the rest of the world. You’ll only feel bad about yourself later.

It’s okay to be less than spectacular. Be the best at being yourself.

2. Know your values and live by them. If you know your values and live by them consistently, you’re already doing well in the authentic department.

Make a list of your values and determine the five that are most important to you. Are you living your life according to these values? Would it be obvious to others that you hold these values?

Decide to make your decisions based upon your values. Be willing to share your values with others.

3. Notice when you’re not being authentic. It’s not easy to be authentic all the time. You might find yourself transforming based on the situation. A first date is a good example. Are you being authentic or pretending to be someone you’re not?

Take note of those times your authenticity starts to wane

4. Know your goals. What do you want out of life? Do you know? Are you willing to let others know? By knowing your goals, you can you live your life accordingly.

5. What are your defining characteristics? Describe yourself honestly. Now ask yourself if a casual acquaintance would describe you the same way? How about someone that knows you well? How about your closest friend?

How many people know you well? If there aren’t many, ask yourself why. If you’re living authentically, it should be easy for someone to develop an accurate opinion of you.

What are your “negative” characteristics? Are you impatient or messy? Are you willing to allow others to see these characteristics or do you attempt to hide them?

6. Tell the truth. If you’re being authentic, why would you need to lie? This pertains especially to anything you say about yourself. Admit your mistakes, weaknesses, and frailties. Share your opinions honestly and freely.

7. Simplify your life. Get rid of everything that’s extraneous. What you choose to keep will be representative of your preferences and your true self. Find your true essence by stripping away the non-essential. Start with the clothes you never wear, the things you never use, and the activities you don’t enjoy. Only keep the things that mean the most to you.

8. Do what you say you’ll do. Keep your word and follow through on your promises. You’ll feel more congruent, and others will view you as more congruent. When your words and actions match, you’re demonstrating authenticity.

Life becomes easier when you’re living authentically. You’ll no longer feel the exhaustion that comes with constantly changing your opinions, attitudes, and personality to please others. You’ll no longer feel the need to protect yourself from others. Be authentic with your thoughts, words, and actions. Invest the time in yourself and learn to be free.

Picking up the pieces after Divorce

Most people understand the risks that marriage brings, but no one gets married with the expectation of dealing with divorce. Divorce ranks as one of the most stressful situations anyone can go through. Dealing with a divorce is no small matter. It requires patience and stamina. There are no shortcuts.

That doesn’t mean that the process of getting over a divorce requires a decade. How long it takes is largely up to you. There is a path out of your current pain. Time is an important part of that path.

These tips will help you move on after your divorce:

Give yourself time before dating again. How much time you require is an individual decision. But there’s no rush. When you begin dating before you’re ready, not only are you potentially creating additional challenges for yourself, but consider your dates, too! They might be getting more than they bargained for. Take the time you need to heal.

Take the opportunity to make over your life. Now might be the perfect time to join a wellness program, start a new hobby, or travel. When you’re married, you have to accommodate the needs and wishes of another person. You can give yourself more consideration for a change.

What would you like to change about yourself and your life?

Learn from your divorce. What went wrong? What did you learn? What were the good and bad qualities of your partner? What type of person would do you believe would be the best match for you? What mistakes did you make along the way?

A divorce is painful, but a great learning opportunity. You can have much more confidence in your next relationship if you use what you learn.

Forgive. You can’t truly move on until you’ve forgiven your ex-spouse. This may take time. But you’re never really free until you’re able to forgive.

Get the support you need. This might take the form of a friend or family member. There are also support groups for the newly divorced. Avoid the mistake of attempting to navigate your healing process alone.

Maintain your daily routines. This means to continue to bathe, brush your teeth, and so on each day. Continue to eat healthy meals. Go to bed at your normal time. Keep your normal social outings. It’s easy to fall into a slump and to allow the quality of your life to deteriorate. Some things will change, but many things can stay the same.

Avoid making your situation worse. This isn’t the time to overeat, drink excessively, or start using drugs. A rebound relationship also isn’t advised. Get your feet back on the ground and avoid doing anything that can make your challenging circumstances even harder.

Get out of the house. Not only can you keep your previous social schedule, you can consider adding to it. Join a yoga class or a golf league. Create something new that you can enjoy with others. You won’t find any solutions while you’re sitting on the couch, staring out the window.

Share your feelings with a divorced friend. It’s important to talk to someone who has had the same experience. Confide in someone that has successfully moved on from divorce.

Divorce is stressful and unsettling.You’re certainly not alone. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. In time, your life can be even better than it was before. Use this opportunity to reinvent yourself and your life.

Things to Start Doing for Yourself

Here it is a positive To Do List To Start for Yourself for the Upcoming Year:

Start Spending Time with the Right People : 

Who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.

Start facing your Problems Head on : 

Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can to solve the problem.

Start being Honest with Yourself about Everything:

Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are.

Start making your Happiness a Priority:

Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.

Start Being Yourself " Genuinely & Proudly":

Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.

Start Noticing and Living in the Present: 

Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening.

Start Valuing the lessons your mistakes teaches you:

Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.

Start Being Polite to yourself: 

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.

Start Enjoying the Things you Already Have:

Take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have. 

Start Creating your own Happiness:

Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it.

Start Giving your Ideas & Dreams a Chance:

Either you succeed or you learn something. WinWin

Start Believing that your are Ready for the next Step:

Embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

Start Giving new people you meet a chance:

Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

Start Forgiving:

It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

Start Helping and Cheering for other peoples Victories:

Care about people. Be happy for those who are making progress. 

Start Being Attentive to your Stress levels & Take Short Breaks:

Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose

Start Concentrating on the Things you can Control:

Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.

Start Focusing on the possibility of Positive Outcomes:
Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.

Start Noticing How Wealthy you are Right Now:
You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

Turning your Life Around - Sure follow the Key Strategies

I used the below strategies to begin turning my life around. I know everyone’s situation is different but if you adopt these strategies, I’m sure you will start seeing improvements in your life. 

Just remember that no matter how bad it may seem, you can always start over. I’m living proof of this.

Remove your Self Limiting Beliefs:

If you’re not familiar with self-limiting beliefs, tell me if any of these sound familiar to you:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m such a failure.”

“Nobody wants to be with me.” 

“I don’t deserve better.”

If you’ve ever had any of these thoughts or something similar, then you know what self-limiting beliefs are.

All the negative things that we believe about ourselves are NOT true. Instead, these thoughts stem from some other sources.They are usually a result of some outside factor or external event.

In order to turn our life around, we have to overcome and remove these self-limiting beliefs.

I want you to write down all the things about yourself that you are proud of. These could be accomplishments, your personality traits, anything that makes you proud to be you.

Now,I want you to take a self-limiting belief you are struggling with,look at what you wrote about yourself, and ask yourself the following:

“Do I believe this to be true about myself?” 

Take your Own Advice:

Pretend your best friend is in the exact same situation that you’re in right now.He or she has the exact same challenges as you do and can’t seem to figure out what they need to do.Don’t think it in your head. Write it down so that it’s right in front of you and then take the advice you’ve given and apply it to yourself. 

Stop Worrying about what hasn't happened Yet:

Here’s the thing you need to understand about the future, it can always change.A bright future can turn bleak just as much as a bleak future can turn bright.It’s not constant nor definitive.Instead, what you should be focusing on is the present because your present heavily influences your future.That is something that you can control, and the sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be.Work on the challenges that you have today. Those are real, and they’re not going away anytime soon. Just remember that you are in control of today and what you choose to do today will dictate what tomorrow has in store for you.

Stop Victimizing yourself:

By blaming others, it made it easy for me to cope with reality.The problem with blaming others is that you don’t learn how to take action to solve your problems.Whatever the case may be, we always have to start with ourselves first even if we believe someone else is a part of the problem. We can only change what we control. We can’t change the things we can’t control.So how do we stop victimizing ourselves? Through forgiveness. 

When you forgive yourself and forgive others,it allows you to find peace in your heart. Once you have peace, it’s easier to take a personal analysis of your life and see what areas you can begin affecting change. 

Appreciate the things you have :

What I want you to do when you wake up everyday is to write down on a piece of paper one thing you are grateful for.Doesn’t matter how big or small it is, if it’s something that makes you happy, make sure you appreciate it and not the things you don’t have. Positive thinking is contagious.When you begin to introduce happy thoughts into your life, your body will naturally function better. Your mind will function better and you will start making better decisions. 

It’s the confidence of knowing you can always turn your life around and start over.

Be patient and understand that the journey begins with a single step. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. As long as you’re moving, you’ll get there, but the most important step is to start moving.

Top 6 Reasons for Not Getting What You Want

Why do some people seem to get what they want out of life while others do not? There are several common reasons why your life isn’t everything you want it to be. If you understand these common mistakes, you can increase the likelihood of getting what you want. 

Get what you want by avoiding the most common pitfalls:

1.    You don’t know what you want. Just because you’re unhappy with your current situation doesn’t mean that you know what you want. It only means that you don’t want what you have.

Solution: Decide. It’s that simple. Make a list of what you want and structure your life around creating that life and attaining those things.

2.    You don’t make the things you want a priority. Do you really want a million dollars or the body of a swimsuit model? Or would you rather watch Seinfeld reruns and eat Cheetos at night?

Solution: The real issue isn’t what you want, but what you’re willing to give up. Getting in shape requires giving up certain foods and giving up some free time to hit the gym consistently. How much are you willing to give up to get what you want? Answer that question and you’ll know how much it means to you.

3.  You aren’t focused. It’s never been easier to get distracted or forgetful than it is right now. Modern life is full of digital distractions. Our ability to focus has never been lower.

Solution: Remind yourself of your goals at least twice each day. Read and visualize your goals while you lie in bed, once in the morning and once at night. Keep your intentions fresh in your mind by reminding yourself of them daily.

4.     You aren’t prepared for the grind. Even the most prestigious accomplishments are a grind 99% of the time. Consider a professional basketball player like Kobe Bryant. There are plenty of stories of Kobe staying after a Friday night game and working with a coach all night long until practice time on Saturday morning.

Solution: The most impressive accomplishments require mundane, boring tasks repeated over long periods of time. Regardless of the size of your aspirations, it won’t be exciting 99% of the time. 

 Accept that much of your goal requires actions that won’t be fun or exciting.

5.    You’re not focused on processes. Obsessing over your weight isn’t the key to getting slimmer. The key is the adoption of habits that will automatically carry you to your goal.

Solution: Create a list of habits that guarantee success. Now your only real challenge is to incorporate those habits into your life. Start small and continue to make progressive changes.

6.     You’re impatient. Success at anything takes time. Depending on your objective, you might find that your sixth month provides more results than the first five months. It’s not unlike trying to roll a boulder down a hill. It can take a lot of energy to get it moving, but it quickly picks up speed with minimal effort after that.

Solution: Rely on your logic, rather than your emotions. If you’re doing effective things each day, you’ll get what you want. Avoid giving in to your frustration. Be patient.

Life is frustrating and challenging. It can be especially frustrating when nothing seems to go your way. Know what you want and have a logical plan to achieve it. Have the patience to wait for the results to arrive. Prioritize and expect that the path will be monotonous most of the time but you can do it !